A Mothers Guilt

I am not sure if the title that I have chosen is appropriate for the topic that I want to blog about. See, I do not believe in feeling guilty. When I finish that whole packet of mixed M&M's or that cheese and bacon balls, I don't have feelings of guilt afterwards. I just tell myself, oh well, now that I have done that, hope I can do better in the future. I know for most part in my life, I TRY to be the best person that I can possibly be, so when things do not work out as expected, feelings of guilt do not cross my mind.

However, since having E come into our lives, I can give you 2 very clear examples of times when I have felt guilt...and it involves both children.

When Eliza was first born, it was inevitable that almost all of my energy would go to taking care of her. The first 6weeks of her life was a complete blur to me but I know that it involved a lot of feeding, sleeping and getting her settled. Tim became (and is still relatively) Noah's primary carer. Tim started to do the things that I used to do for Noah like baths, nappies, eating, getting dressed etc.  Since I was unable to drive for 4 weeks after giving birth, it was also Tim who was taking Noah to daycare and picking him up.  I know that I was busy with Eliza but I remember distinctly a time when I told Tim that I felt bad that I was starting to feel so removed from Noah and his daily activities. I had not even met his new carers at kindy since they moved him up during that time. I felt very guilty!

Best friends

Having so much fun together

How they love each other

I wanted to fix this situation so as soon as I was able to drive I started to get involved again parenting version 1. I took the school runs once again and when Noah was home during the week, the focus was once again on him. We started his regular routine of playparks, zoo, aquarium, playdates etc.  once again, with his little sister in tow.

Mac Daddy

Can you see E?

Fast forward to early last week.  Eliza had a health appointment at our local Early Childhood Centre. It was for her 6 week check up but since we had to wait to get an appointment, she was almost 10 weeks when we went. All went well, except for a slight issue. The flat spot on Eliza's head that she was born with is not getting any better.  We were referred to a pediatric physio who advised us to ensure that Eliza gets plenty of tummy time and exercises when she is awake. I needed to be more vigilant about getting Eliza on the floor when she is awake rather than just keeping her on the bouncer or lying in her cot, which I am very guilty of.

Not sure about being on the mat

I'm suppose to do it again?

So you can imagine how I have been vigilant I have been with doing my homework. Almost each time that E is awake, she is on the floor doing on her exercises or I am carrying her so that no weight is placed on her head. Nothing like a good kick in the bum to get me to pay attention to her needs.

It's funny because this seems to be a common issue with 2nd children. I have 2 friends who have both had their 2nd children recently (a couple of weeks younger than E), whose eldest are the same age as Noah. Both of them have told me that they too have been accused of not doing enough tummy time with their babies. Of course it does not help that their younger boys have also flat spots on their heads.


I have yet to find the perfect balance of attending to each child's needs and trying to be pro active rather than reactive....add into the mix trying to keep a home in order. I am not really sure how I am going to do it but hopefully, just as with most things, continuous practise helps. It's good to know though that I am not the only person in this boat, that my peers have also been having to use the same coping mechanism as I am. Wonder if they felt just as guilty as I did?!