The institution of the Catholic Church

This week, George Pell went to jail.
George Pell, Australia's most prominent Catholic who once had the third highest power in the Catholic Church was convicted of sexually abusing two choirboys when he was Archbishop of Melbourne in the 90s. He was also the Archbishop of Sydney.
While we all knew that he had been convicted last December, it was only this week that this conviction was made public after the suppression order was lifted.

This week, I also learned that Theodore McCarrick has been defrocked following being found guilty of crimes including sexual abuse of minors.
Theodore McCarrick, the retired Archbishop of Washington DC, once my home for 5.5years.

I have attended masses that have been celebrated by both men.
During those times, I found myself so lucky and blessed to be in their presence.

Most of you would know that I still attend church quite regularly.
I will even admit to loving going to mass.
Probably not as often as I should be attending (sorry Mum) but nonetheless church for me is a time for being quiet, reflection and telling my God that He is still in control.

While the church has been a regular part of my life, given that I am filipino, I have first hand experience of God's kindness, mercy and will. Hence I continue to value my religion.

However, over the past years, I have started to question the institution that I supposedly belong to.  I remember during one mass when we prayed for those who are afflicted and displaced but at the same time the newsletter was encouraging the congregation to vote NO to same sex marriage. Seriously?

I have started to question the authenticity of the church leaders preaching about the sanctity of marriage when they do not have first hand experience to speak from.

I have started to question the authenticity of the homily focussing on lives that we should be leading. Does this mean that if we aren't on the same path, our lives are not good enough?

Now, this.
Two of the Catholic Church's supposedly most blessed leaders both convicted of awful awful crimes.

I am not sure how to move forward.
I want to continue to instill faith, love, hope and acceptance in my children.
I want them to believe that there is a higher being than them.
That is important to me.

It is so hard when the institution that is supposed to be supporting my faith and religion is letting me down.