A special song

Eliza has been homeschooling for two weeks now. While our school is still open to accommodate families that need to physically send their children to school, I think most of the children in Eliza's class have been learning from home for the last two weeks.

Late last week, classes started to video chat with each other via ZOOM. Eliza finally saw her class teacher and her classmates, which brought a massive smile to her face.

On Friday afternoon, her teacher sent across a video of her singing a song about her class, 3C. It was so heartwarming and lovely to watch as you could tell how much Miss C is missing her children. It also replicated a routine they had in class where the children took turns asking Miss C to sing them a song at the end of class.

I asked her teacher if I could share this video as it truly is so beautiful. We are so lucky to have such a great, talented, and caring teacher. 

Hopefully it won't be too long until Miss C is singing live to the children again.

Enjoy!  

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ROQnW0akqzYvzgEjs1YKoDez3GLDX7O-/view?usp=sharing

Our family quarantine - the week that was.

Dear Noah and Eliza

Almost a week ago today,  I found out that my beautiful friend tested positive for Covid-19. While we figured out that she could have been exposed to the virus after the last time we caught up, I couldn't help but wonder and worry if I too was carrying the virus. I immediately thought about the times when I woke up with a sore throat, coughed here and there, as well as nurse a mild temperature. Call it psychosomatic, but these symptoms immediately started to flare up.

I asked your Dad that night to ring the Covid-19 hotline. For someone who is quite strong and brave, these are the days when I am extra grateful for your Dad, his high sense of concern and his scientific mind. Following that phone call, because I still had a mild temperature, and I couldn't NOT know if I was indeed carrying this virus, Daddy and I agreed that we would go to our local hospital's Covid clinic the following morning.

It was quite confronting to tell you guys in the morning that you could no longer go to school for the rest of the term, as we had intended for you to still attend that day to finish up, and that we needed to go to the hospital for potentially all of us to be tested for the Coronavirus. How can we prevent you from worrying?

Upon arrival, we were met with a number of people already waiting to be tested. It was busy and just got busier. The doctors/nurses were pretty adamant with meeting the testing criteria. Have you arrived from overseas in the last 14 days or have you had direct contact with someone that has tested positive? If you answer no to either of these, you were denied testing and sent to see your GP instead.

They allowed all four of us to queue up for the testing but because I was the only who caught up with my friend, they denied testing for you and Daddy. They would test you if I returned a positive result.

I am not sure if you saw, but the test itself was quite uncomfortable, a swab down the throat and another swirl up the nostril. We were sent home with further information to read, and told that our family had to isolate together until I receive the results which would take 5-7 days.

Thank goodness that we did a full grocery shop on the weekend as we had to go straight home from the hospital. Our family quarantine had started.

Thank goodness for my work and Daddy's work organising for us to work from home the week before so we were able to continue to work. Online learning had began for the both of you. We are so grateful to your beautiful teachers for their hard work in ensuring that you continue your learning. We received a weekly timetable of the activities you needed to do. Your individual music lessons, now online continued, and you both found ways to stay connected with your friends, classmates and teachers. Noah, I loved hearing your 3.15pm daily zoom with your mates, and I loved reading the online conversations that went on in each of your google classrooms. Thank you too for inviting me to do Smiling Minds with you.

I am grateful for your resilience. Each of you just got on with our week, and our family isolation. 

While you guys were coping well, it was probably around Thursday when I started to feel the reality of the isolation. I was hoping that I would be lucky enough to get my results earlier than the prescribed 5-7 days as I had heard from others that their results were turned around in less than 3 days. While I was hoping that we would be able to do our grocery shop on the weekend, when Ninong, my brother, offered to do our weekly shop on the Friday, I had to accept as we were starting to run low on staples. We were grateful for the shopping he delivered as well as the first face to face contact  that all four of us had since the Monday morning.

Saturday was day 5. The day came and went without a word about my results. I rang a number of places including the hospital to follow up, only to be told to be patient. Both of you would know that patience is not one of Mummy's strong traits. I tried to convince myself that not hearing from them was a good thing as they were probably prioritising the positive cases. Instead I tidied and cleaned.

I managed to sort out your clothes, my clothes, your books and the drawers full of letters/bills while, you built an indoor cubby house, started a 1000pc jigsaw puzzle and played outside as much as the weather would let you.

When the wave of isolation sadness would come, I would remind myself that our family is still very lucky as the both of you were coping so well, and that Daddy and I still have our jobs.

This morning, Daddy  decided to follow up with the hospital again, only to be told that the same thing. The hospital did give him the idea to ring our GP tomorrow morning as they may have received the results. Following that, we got the idea to to ring the hospital's medical centre as the GP there might be able to help us. God must have heard our family prayers last night as Daddy was able to speak with someone from the Covid clinic.  As we thought, the clinic was prioritising informing those with positive results, and that they had a backlog of people with negative results to ring. Mummy's results are negative!

It is important for me to write this to you so that one day, you will learn of how proud I am of each of you during this time. Noah, Eliza, as we keep hearing, these are unprecedented days. We are all experiencing history in the making. In my life, never have schools closed globally for unknown periods, Extra curricular activities are being cancelled.  Holidays are being cancelled, Shops are closing. We are all being asked to stay home to protect each other.

I know that this isn't easy for Mummy and Daddy so I can only imagine how much harder this is for you. I know how disappointed both of you are that Nanny and Grandad are no longer visiting us, that we have cancelled our Japan holiday, all your weekend sports have been cancelled, and we haven't seen Lola and your cousins in ages. Eliza, you are worried how we are going to celebrate your birthday in a couple of weeks!

Daddy and I are grateful that you allow us to share in your disappointments, as well as share your understanding of the situation, and your optimism, that one day, we will all do the things we love to do again.

Your resilience, patience, and positive outlook allows Mummy and Daddy to manage the severity of today's situation so much better than expected. 

Thank you guys!

In the meantime, we can go back to half our normality for now!

With all my love
Mum x

The institution of the Catholic Church

This week, George Pell went to jail.
George Pell, Australia's most prominent Catholic who once had the third highest power in the Catholic Church was convicted of sexually abusing two choirboys when he was Archbishop of Melbourne in the 90s. He was also the Archbishop of Sydney.
While we all knew that he had been convicted last December, it was only this week that this conviction was made public after the suppression order was lifted.

This week, I also learned that Theodore McCarrick has been defrocked following being found guilty of crimes including sexual abuse of minors.
Theodore McCarrick, the retired Archbishop of Washington DC, once my home for 5.5years.

I have attended masses that have been celebrated by both men.
During those times, I found myself so lucky and blessed to be in their presence.

Most of you would know that I still attend church quite regularly.
I will even admit to loving going to mass.
Probably not as often as I should be attending (sorry Mum) but nonetheless church for me is a time for being quiet, reflection and telling my God that He is still in control.

While the church has been a regular part of my life, given that I am filipino, I have first hand experience of God's kindness, mercy and will. Hence I continue to value my religion.

However, over the past years, I have started to question the institution that I supposedly belong to.  I remember during one mass when we prayed for those who are afflicted and displaced but at the same time the newsletter was encouraging the congregation to vote NO to same sex marriage. Seriously?

I have started to question the authenticity of the church leaders preaching about the sanctity of marriage when they do not have first hand experience to speak from.

I have started to question the authenticity of the homily focussing on lives that we should be leading. Does this mean that if we aren't on the same path, our lives are not good enough?

Now, this.
Two of the Catholic Church's supposedly most blessed leaders both convicted of awful awful crimes.

I am not sure how to move forward.
I want to continue to instill faith, love, hope and acceptance in my children.
I want them to believe that there is a higher being than them.
That is important to me.

It is so hard when the institution that is supposed to be supporting my faith and religion is letting me down.

Christmas Eve Traditions

Today Team Stentiford started a new Christmas eve tradition.

When the children were born, we were living in Fairlight which was a few hundred metres from the Manly Sea Life Aquarium. Since Noah's very second Christmas (his very first was spent in the UK), Tim has taken Noah, then subsequently both children to the Aquarium every single Christmas eve. It has been a Stentiford Christmas eve tradition.

The Aquarium closed its doors in January of this year. When Noah found out about the Aquarium closing, he actually wondered we would do on Christmas eve. His sadness was actually quoted in the Manly Daily's story regarding the Aquarium's closure (without us knowing we were quoted) as we shared his sentiments in the local paper's facebook page.


https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/newslocal/manly-daily/manly-sea-life-sanctuary-to-close-january-28-after-55-years-as-an-aquarium/news-story/9a77e417170288be56bbdede35e3fc85


For at least since Eliza was born, if not since Noah, Tim has spoken about getting a kayak. Due to other priorities, his desire for a kayak has always taken a back seat.

Until this year!

A few weeks ago, Tim finally bought us (supposedly) a family present which we finally picked up on the weekend and today Tim and the kids took it out for a spin.

In true Stentiford fashion, there was much argument as who was going to sit where and who was going to paddle. I wonder if the paddle was exactly the way Tim imagined it to be.

It was mine as I got a bit of peace and quiet giving me time to write this blog.

Needless to say, today we start a new Christmas eve tradition.

Join us next time?

Merry Christmas everyone.

Here is wishing that Santa finds each of us and warms our hearts with all of our desires.

xox

When Dad speaks....

My Dad passed away a year ago tomorrow.
How fast does time fly?
This time last year, we were all saying our goodbyes to him.
I still count myself lucky to have had the opportunity to have said a proper goodbye.
One last hug. One last I love you.
For him.
For me.
 
No one warned me before my Dad passed how much life really changes.
I don't mean the every day stuff where he is no longer around for me to speak with to get some advice or how we now book for 10 people for family outings instead of 11.
There are no more updates from doctors appointments or which horse he would tip to win the Melbourne Cup.

No one warned me how family dynamics change when one parent dies.

Mum, Dad, my brother Chad and myself.

For those that know my family, they would know that one of my Mum's favourite pastime is to chat. She thrives on telling stories. She thrives on connecting with people.
She thrives on talking about her family, holidays and her bargains.
She can sit next to a complete stranger and can easily find common ground with them.
She is a talker.

As the perfect Yin to my Mum's Yang, my Dad said very little.
He was a man of very few words, often frustrating.
However when he spoke, one listened.

My Dad kept my Mum grounded.
While he encouraged and loved Mum for being herself, there were many times when he imparted that silence is golden.
For the most part, when Dad spoke, Mum listened.

When Dad passed, it became Mum, my brother Chad and myself.

A triangle instead of the even square.

Three pointy ends.

Over the course of the year, each of us have learned to manage our new shape.
As Mum learned to find her new norm which now include driving, managing her house and garden and managing technology, each of us have been bent out of shape.

While we aim for equilateral, more often than not, our family dynamics would be described more as isosceles or scalene.

This is okay as these days, this is how independent Mum has become:

• She is now hooning around Hornsby, proudly telling us that it now only takes her one go to reverse out of her driveway!
• She has quickly become Mrs Fixit, embarking on a few project upgrades around her house with the help of paid handymen.
• She has a weekly routine down pat, between seeing her friends,  staying with her sister and staying with either myself or at my brothers.
• She has been to Manila twice with another trip booked for early next year.

Mum is living her life to the fullest, exactly what my Dad said to her during his final days.

To this date, when Dad speaks, Mum listens.

Happy 1st year in heaven Pa.
Be confident that while you are physically no longer here with us, your soul and spirit lives in us.

We love and miss you.
Rest in peace.

Eliza bringing Lolo ice cream and a snowflake!

Words of Remembrance for Lolo

My Dad was given 70 years here on earth.

He made the most of it.

He was a husband to my Mum, Pa/Dad to Chad, Bambi, Tim and myself, Lolo to his grandchildren, a brother to his siblings, he was Dong, Eddie, Ed, Eduardo to many different people.

While my Dad played different roles at different times to different people, he always had two roles that were constant in his life, and that he enjoyed. An athlete and a teacher.

From a young age, I had many people tell me what an athlete my Dad is.

Did you know that your Dad used to play varsity basketball?

Did you know that your Dad bowls with Paeng Nepumoceno, a brilliant bowler from the Philippines?

Do you know how much I enjoy playing tennis with your Dad?

Do you know how much I looked forward to playing golf with your Dad?

My Dad loved sport. Not only was he a natural athlete, he also spent a lot of time throwing himself in every sport he took on. He would not only spend hours practicing his serve, his swing or his putt, but he would also spend hours reading up on the sport, trying to master the theory.  Our house was always filled with his trophies. 

My Dad was heartbroken when he had to stop playing his regular twice a week game of golf. His dialysis could not provide him with the strength he needed to continue playing his 18 holes.  However, he never stopped swinging his club inside the house. He continued to practice, looking forward to the next time he could play again. He used his love for sport as his incentive to get better every time we would hit a hurdle with his health.  

Life is how you make it!

Money is not everything

Speak what is in your heart and you will find peace

Be happy. Enjoy life.

Once again, from a very young age, I have been hearing my Dad say these words. As a teenager, and a young adult, I saw these phrases of words as “lectures”.  Today, I see them as words of wisdom.

My mum, grandparents, who have passed on, aunts and uncles will tell you that my Dad was not a perfect man. He was stubborn. He was hard headed. He did what he wanted.

While my Dad made many mistakes, I look at the life he lead and see that it’s a life lived well. Many people love him. Many people speak fondly of him. Many people care for him. These past few days very clearly show that.

How did he manage to do that?

The words that he had been saying to me have been the same wisdom he has been practicing.  He speaks these words from experience.

He did and learned many things in the 70 years he was given. He has passed on his learnings to those he loves.

My Dad is a teacher. A life teacher who spoke with much experience and credibility.

So family and friends, I urge you to learn from some of his words.  Here is a man who managed to be happy, enjoy life, speaking the truth but at the same time we can confidently say that he is now sitting with God, ready to take on what Heaven has in store for him.

Forever in our hearts Pa. 

Can we bring our own casket?

 
My Dad’s funeral was the first ever funeral I have had to arrange.

When I was living in America, I was working in event catering with our headquarters next to a church. At one stage, I was nicknamed the ambulance chaser of memorial services as a big part of the business I brought in was from memorial services. That was as far as my funeral arrangements experience goes.

We had not even engaged a funeral director to help us out when Dad passed away. While our family started talking about this sensitive subject, we never got as far as taking any action. All we knew was that Dad was leaving the decision making to Mum, as per his words 'It's time for Mama to be making decisions and Mama will be the one visiting me'.

While my brother and I knew that Mum will be making the decisions, it was up to us to run the logistics to provide her with her choices. My brother told me about his colleague whose Dad passed away early last year, and all the research he had done which he passed on to us. An absolute Godsend. The research was thorough and provided a number of avenues and caveats that we needed to keep in mind, as we started to navigate unchartered territories.

In the brain-dump synopsis, it mentioned purchasing the casket ourselves from a well known members-only warehouse. I was floored. My brother, being a member of this warehouse confirmed that they in fact sell them but it is one of those things that you walk past and don't really pay attention to, unless you finally need to.

Not your average supermarket

It also recommended going to the manufacturer to see what the casket actually looked like, rather than the partial box displayed in the warehouse. So the morning of Dad's passing, we went to a casket manufacturer.

Surreal cannot even begin to describe how I felt when we walked into the building. We immediately walked into rows and rows of special boxes ready to be delivered. It was here that we met another Godsend who took his time to show us the options available to us. Here we learned that caskets can range from about $500 to thousands of dollars. When I shared with him my idea of Rent-A-Casket, he informed us that by law, everyone needs to be placed in a casket whether they are to be buried or cremated. He also warned us that not all funeral directors like for their clients to purchase their own casket as it obviously cuts out a part of their business. We needed to be clear with the funeral director that we had every intention of doing a BYO.  Finally, this Godsend provided clarity on the main difference between Macquarie Park Crematorium and Cemetery and Northern Suburbs, the two places we were already considering for Dad's cremation and final interment.

That afternoon, my brother and I were due to meet with a funeral director in Dulwich Hill. Following Godsend 2's advise, I rang to ask my question. Surprise, surprise, it was a flat out no, their insurance cannot cover the casket and they could not guarantee the workmanship. Jeez, we were only going to use it for a couple of hours, days at most. Godsend 2 was indeed correct.

We rang up a couple of other directors including one that Godsend 2 had referred.  Yes, no problems to a BYO coffin and a director can come to my brother's house that afternoon to meet with us as he lived in the next suburb. Nothing like making it easy and saving us a drive out.


We decided to meet with 2 different directors. One that afternoon, the other the following morning. We would make our decision by lunch time Tuesday given the funeral was on Friday.

The process we undertook was a complete eye opener. I remember being candid with funeral director 1 when he started going through the motions of asking us personal family details he needed for the hospital to release Dad to him, and for the death certificate. We wanted to get 2 quotes that included bringing our own casket, working directly with their florist as well as organising all the mass resources ourselves.

Funeral director 2 came the following morning and we started going through the motions again. Before he got too far with his spiel, we asked him to provide his quote. It was not too long until my brother and I could see that his totals were going to be at least doubled what funeral director 1 quoted. I was eyeballing my brother, willing him to say something. Maybe we completely forgot to let funeral director 2 know that we were sourcing 2 quotes. Finally my brother interrupted his number crunching, telling him that we met with another director the day before who had provided a quote almost half what he had so far written.

What floored us was that funeral director 2 quickly turned around to say 'No problems,  I can match what they have quoted'. He then asked what the amounts were so we showed him the quote. Lo and behold, he managed to match it. We asked him how he could do that and he said that he has different business models at different price ranges. Huh? He further told us that many clients do not have the capacity to negotiate during this very vulnerable time. It made the decision easy for us. 

Clearly, business is business, in life and in death.

Smiling from above

 

 

 

 

Labour of love

Adding colour to the casket